If you read this intro before…skip to the blue below.
I had this idea in my head. Maybe put three pictures up in my office, each representing something important about what I do. Counseling reminder. A touchstone for the eye of sorts. Well, like I said, it was in my head and as I realized one of the three pictures I wasn’t going to be able to get, and the others were certainly copyrighted, the three sort of evolved as I looked for alternatives. So in looking for a different way to go, in my head, we went from three reminders to 96 reminders. It’s why my wife refers to what comes out of my noggin as ‘cumbersome’ on occasion.
So. I am mostly a counselor, but I have also studied and practiced a bunch of other things including cuisine and photography. I always wanted to have an idea why some folks in every field are wildly successful compared to many of their contemporaries, so I always checked a bunch of them out. So, here come 96 people and quotes attributed to them, if there are any – 24 chefs, 24 photographers, 20 people associated with psychology directly, and then 28 none of the above people whose lives or words remind me what to strive towards as a counselor, a counseling business owner, and a general human being. The only problem was stopping. There have been a lot of people who for one reason or another inspire me, lots more names on the potential list but it had to at least pause somewhere, so here we are.
I don’t rightly know if writing these out and posting them will be of any use to anyone else but I’m reasonably sure codifying the whole thing will drive it home for me and hopefully offer some encouragement and centering for our folks. Hope you get something out of one or two of them too.
Virginia Satir
The thing I will always associate with Satir is the substantial impact of family on who a person has become and the influence it will continue to have. Positive. Negative. Mixed. Disastrous. Daily. Holidays. From Ghosts. In the open. Behind the back. All for one. Just one to blame. Etc. It’s kinda odd and telling how many times someone may have walked in the door not considering their upbringing as part of why we’re getting together and …you ask about their family of origin and…new and interesting things appear. Sometimes necessary things. So much of how we see ourselves appears tied to information we get early in life from those closest to us. That’s probably what most people who know the name Satir think of when they hear it. But there is more.
She is also known for her Process of Change Model. Yes, true though it may be that we are often molded in multiple ways by the folks surrounding us when we are learning what and who we are; no one, even though it sometimes feel like it is nigh impossible, no one is forever trapped by where they come from or who they have been. The other thing Virginia reminds me to do is help people figure out the effects of their family, what they want to do with that and how to get there. She was also pointed about self-acceptance which can be helpful when family has not provided their own acceptance.
“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.”
Virginia Satir
“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.”
Virginia Satir
“I regard (parenting) as the hardest, most complicated, anxiety-ridden, sweat-and-blood-producing job in the world. Succeeding requires the ultimate in patience, common sense, commitment, humor, tact, love, wisdom, awareness, and knowledge. At the same time, it holds the possibility for the most rewarding, joyous experience of a lifetime, namely, that of being successful guides to a new and unique human being.”
Virginia Satir
“The recommended daily requirement for hugs is: four per day for survival, eight per day for maintenance, and twelve per day for growth.”
Virginia Satir
“We must not allow other people’s limited perceptions to define us.”
Virginia Satir
“We get together on the basis of our similarities; we grow on the basis of our differences.”
Virginia Satir
“There are five freedoms: The freedom to see and hear what is; The freedom to say what you feel and think; The freedom to feel what you actually feel; The freedom to ask for what you want; The freedom to take risks on your own behalf”
Virginia Satir
“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be, it’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
Virginia Satir
“I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
Virginia Satir
“Taste everything, but swallow only what fits.”
Virginia Satir
“I think if I have one message, one thing before I die that most of the world would know, it would be that the event does not determine how to respond to the event. That is a purely personal matter. The way in which we respond will direct and influence the event more than the event itself.”
Virginia Satir
Hey! She sounds a lot like Frankl and Ellis and others in the middle there. Funny how all the people studying people find their way to some version of stop fighting reality and forge yourself into something that is built for that reality. I spend a lot of time there. Add her special understanding of family and change and she reminds me that I probably don’t really understand anyone till I know about their family and the time to learn that is worthwhile. It’s also worthwhile for them to rummage through those memories to better understand themselves, who they’ve been, and make decisions about who they want to be. Also, on a more direct side note…if you had a nurturing family…hand out a few hugs. If not…find a way to accept yourself, regardless of what the world tells you…even if it takes some difficult work!
Learn more about Virginia Satir here:
